One morning when I was about 6 or 7 years old my father came into my bedroom and said, “Son lets go for a walk.” As most of you know I was raised on a cattle ranch with hundreds of acres of land. It was a warm summers morning as we walked across the fields together. My father began to talk to me about Gods call on my life. I really didn’t understand what it meant that day but I listened to every word. He said, son you have many great gifts that God has placed in you. But son you must understand you don’t own the gifts in you God does. He owns the gifts in you but He has made you a steward of those gifts. It is your responsibility to develop the gifts and apply proper stewardship to them. He said, son if you will develop the gifts in you they will create opportunities and positions for you. Son, always remember to hold your opportunities and positions with an open hand and God will do significant things through your life. My dad told me this what felt like hundreds of times in my life. Keep an open hand!
When I was about sixteen years old I went to my pastor and asked if there was something I could do to help in the ministry or around the church property.
He asked me to help out on the construction crew of the new building. We were building a new church sanctuary at the time so my first job in the ministry was being a helper on the construction crew of the church building. After about two years the building was done so I went back to my pastor and asked for something more to do. This time he asked me to work with junior high kids in the ministry. Let me illustrate it like this, each time my pastor asked me to do something in the church it was like putting a cup of water into my open hand. Then each time when I finished the job or he was ready to have me do something else it was like taking the cup back and placing a different cup into my open hand!
After a year or so my pastor asked me if I would teach in Sunday school. Then he asked me to take care of the facilities. Who better than me, I knew that building inside and out! Then I became a youth worker and janitor together. Then I became the youth pastor, then after a while I became an associate pastor. It was like going back and forth to the pastor and with each new position he would take the previous cup and place a new cup into my open hand. I had a wonderful relationship with my pastor because my father taught me at a very young age that I did not own the gifts in me God did! God has just made me a steward of His property.
Over a fifteen year time period I held numerous positions in that church. Most people find it easy to hold their position with an open hand if they really don't like the job they have been given. When pastor called me into his office and said that he was going to have someone else do the janitorial work I found it very easy to hold my hand out so he could take that position and give it to someone else. The problem arises when we like what we are doing.
Image by Eddie Windsor via Flickr
It becomes harder and harder to hold your position with an open hand if you're self worth and your identity becomes intertwined in the position! I have noticed that a person’s language and terminology changes as well. At one time they would have said, “This particular ministry position is where I “serve” in the church.” Now they are saying things like, my ministry, my calling! Have you seen the level of anointing on me lately?
Our self worth comes from knowing who we are in God, but far too often a person tries to get their self worth, and their identity from their position. Often it seems as if they personally cease to exist. Now it’s all about the gift and the position. Next they become very controlling with their position. So a senior pastor knows he is responsible before God to confront this person that is out of control. So he reaches for the position that you are holding in your hand. But instead of holding the position with an open hand you pull back from the pastor crushing the cup! Water goes everywhere! At this point what normally happens is everything is blamed on the pastor and you leave the church. So you go to another church in town and within a short period of time the pastor there says, “You have a gift!” He notices that you have a few holes and cracks in your cup. You tell him how that pastor across town hurt you and your gift. So he decides that he will personally pour himself into helping you, but as he pours into you, and his efforts the water, runs out onto the floor. So you decide that he can’t help you so you go to another church and another church and another church.
Often when a person first gets involved in the ministry they say, “Pastor just use me.” But after awhile they start saying, “Pastors just using me!”
It does not matter how much or how fast you pour the water into this leaky vessel eventually it runs out. I have seen people go through this cycle over and over again in church after church watching pastor after pastor pour into leaky vessels. You can go to God to get your gift fixed. Get your life fixed. But it will happen again if you don't understand, that you must hold the position you have been placed in with an open hand!
I can still hear my father’s voice say, “God has placed a wonderful gift in you, remember to hold it with an open hand.”
I am my father’s son,
Eddie Windsor
